Evelyn Paller Strongin, זכרונה לברכה

(Written by Ari)

You may have noticed, and some people have inquired, that it's been a little while since my mother has posted to the blog. In the midst of my parents taking care of the girls and a well-deserved vacation, my grandmother's health took a serious turn for the worse and we cut the vacation short to drive back from Florida in order to be by her side.

At around 11:15 Thursday night, August 20th, she finally passed away after hanging on as long as she could possibly bear. My father called me immediately afterward, and Jessica and I will head up to Philly first thing tomorrow morning.

Sitting here quietly and unable to sleep tonight (so far), I decided that perhaps the best thing for me to do was to write, so I put together the following...

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I’ve known this moment was coming for quite a long time, but no matter how much we think we have prepared ourselves mentally for the loss of a loved one, the raw emotion of the event itself is ultimately unavoidable.

But beyond the ephemeral grief and transient waves of sorrow, we carry something wonderful and special forward with us throughout the remainder of our own lives.

I like to think that we’re all inextricably connected to each other. It’s little pieces of our souls that reach out between us and bind us together when we meet, and as long as we remain on this earth, we have the privilege of reaching out to tug on that bond and bring someone in a little closer to us, or strengthen that bond with those we love. The severing of a bond that happens with the loss of the person at the other end can be traumatic, but after we heal, we are left with the little piece of that person that was connected to us. We may have forever lost our ability to tug on it or strengthen it, but we will always remain with that which we once shared between us.

So beyond the trauma of a recently severed bond, I am so grateful for the piece of my grandmother that I still have to carry forward with me.

Though she was not a particularly religious woman, I can’t recall very many Shabbat dinners she ever missed with our family. I remember spending countless hours as a child exploring the many hidden treasures of her basement, and long walks around Melrose Park. I remember being serenaded by Safety Songs like “When you Ride a Bicycle,” and “Ice Skating is Nice Skating,” when it was time for bed.

I was 13 when she and my grandfather came to live with us, and we moved together to our new house just after we lost him. I always felt so lucky that during some of the most difficult times in my life, she was always right across the hall to listen, with a pretty surprising level of discretion and confidence when it was necessary, and to always offer those magic words of advice, wisdom, encouragement and love that somehow made everything seem better.

All throughout her life and even up to her last breath, she took almost every bit of what was probably more than her fair share of adversity, absorbed it without bitterness, and converted it to compassion and consideration. She genuinely and deeply cared about everyone she ever knew, and would regularly reach out to distant friends and relatives to listen to what was going on in their lives. She was fiercely independent and self-reliant, and did what she knew in her heart to be right no matter what anyone else thought.

The world is probably a little worse off without her around, but I take a great deal of comfort in knowing that there are so many little pieces of her soul left scattered around down here among us, and that her memory will be a blessing to us all forever.

Sleeping Beauty

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As I write this blog post from Ari’s coffee table on Saul’s laptop, I will not immediately have photos to go along with this story. I will post them later when I return home. Some of the photos will not be posted for a month… and that is part of the story. This has been a week of dramatic ups and downs, which only serves to remind me that I really should continue to live my life as much in the moment as I can and not stress about the little annoyances and downers that take away from the great moments of joy and satisfaction. Izzy developed a horrendous dry croupy cough and a fever of 102.4 after our wonderful trip to Hersheypark. After Debbie, who is taking care of Mom at night, awoke us at 4:00 a.m. to warn us that Izzy had been coughing a lot and was feverish, we began monitoring the kids room at night and did not sleep very well all week. I began getting up at night when the coughing awoke me to give her liquids and occasionally, children’s Motrin. The real fever only lasted a day and she was up and around in no time, but we had to be careful all week not to overtax her energy. In addition, we wound up with a gap in Mom’s caretaking one night because Debbie developed a high fever and Stacey could not fill in for her. That night, Saul stayed up with Mom until 2:30 a.m. when she needed to use the commode, while I slept. Then I stayed up with her until Stacey arrived at 10 a.m. the next morning. By the next shift, Debbie was feeling better and was able to fill in so that we only had one really horrendous night of no sleep. Only Larry and Faith joined us for dinner on Friday. Debbie was already sick and did not want to be at the table with us at dinner. I took a chance keeping her on duty that night because I had been up the previous night with Izzy and did not think I could do it two nights in a row. Luckily, Mom did not catch either virus. Debbie is really fanatic about sanitation. For Shabbat dinner we had homemade challah, homemade baba ganoush with chips, cream of cauliflower soup, seared sesame-crusted tuna, potatoes au gratin, and delicious sweet, white, corn-on-the-cob that Faith brought. For dessert, we had chocolate and raspberry-nut rugelach from Costco, and chocolate-chip cookie ice cream sandwiches also from Costco that were a brand called “600-lb. Gorilla.” Saul took Sami to services with him on Saturday while I stayed home with Izzy and we watched children’s movies that I had TiVo’d curled up under the covers in my bed. Saul was extremely proud of Sami who was a star with her singing voice and knowledge of the Hebrew prayers on the bimah accompanying Cantor Josh Gordon. At 1:00 p.m., after a quick lunch, we all walked with Adele and Brenna, who had come for a play date, across the street to the Roth Living Museum Farm where they had a program about farm animals and butter-making. The girls were very taken with the small bunnies they were allowed to hold and caress. Luckily, there were three. We also met the two “teen-aged” draft horses, a maiden cow, sheep, lambs, goats, and chickens. I learned more about chickens than I ever knew, and I know quite a bit about chickens. We then went into the old farmhouse where the farmer was seated at a table, churning butter in a large glass jar with a cranking attachment in front of the antique fireplace hearth. He let the girls crank the butter and then taught them how to paddle the results with wooden paddles to remove more of the buttermilk. He was kind enough to provide us with small plastic bowls of the butter we had made to take home, which we thoroughly enjoyed on warm bagels during the week. We had a lovely afternoon. In the evening, we took the girls to dinner at Moe’s for veggie burritos and cheese quesadillas, topping it all off with ice cream from Maggie Moo’s next door. Sunday afternoon, there was a “Thomas the Tank Engine” program at Morris Arboretum. Extra trains had been added to their outdoor miniature train exhibit with lots of the characters from the t.v. show. Although the weather was not unusually hot on Sunday, walking around in the sun took its toll and we were not able to stay very long with Izzy a bit under the weather. Early Monday morning, Saul took the girls to the big playground, which they call “the castle playground” at the Upper Gwynedd Township municipal park as it was supposed to begin raining in the afternoon. It did. We began baking the cakes for Haley’s wedding in August on Tuesday and Wednesday. The girls, especially Izzy, are really into cooking and baking and were a great help. The first largest layers of cakes came out beautiful. We leveled them and had intended to make trifle with the trimmings, but most of the trimmings disappeared when Haley came on Wednesday evening. I had been dreading Tuesday. After Mom had fallen last week and was becoming too weak to support herself, I had discussed with her hospice nurse, Kathy, ways to keep her from getting out of bed without assistance. We decided to replace her queen-size bed with an adjustable hospital bed with side rails. Monday, Kathy and I spent a half hour discussing the change with her and she was not happy. Monday evening, Beth came over and helped remove all the extraneous boxes from the sitting area of her bedroom along with a leather sofa that had been covered with clothes, towels, and bedding. We brought down a queen-size futon that I had in the attic so that the aides could sleep right in her room if necessary. Tuesday morning, Saul and Beth disassembled her bed and moved it up to the attic to make room for the hospital bed. Ken and Adele both came to ease the process and provide moral support. We set her up temporarily in another room until the bed arrived. Although she is comfortable with the mattress and the adjustability makes life easier for both her and her aides, she constantly complains about her “jail.” She is sleeping more soundly now and for longer hours. Her food intake has really dwindled and she chokes easily on anything other than liquid these days, but she is still consuming enough to subsist. Kathy weighed her about two weeks ago and I was surprised to find that she still weighs 126 lbs. without any swelling of her legs or feet. Randi’s sister, Sherrie, gave her a beautiful short haircut a few weeks ago. No longer having patience for having it dyed her usual dark brown, she has, for the first time in her life, begun showing white hair and it is striking with her naturally pale skin. Most of the time, she has a dreamy and relaxed countenance. Everyone that sees her comments on how incredibly smooth and unwrinkled she is for someone 87 years of age. Her face has an elegant, high-cheekboned structure. Gazing on her face in repose, it is hard to believe how weak and ill she truly is. Wednesday evening, Haley came from her final fitting of her wedding gown to take photos with Mom in her gown so that Mom will be in the wedding album. All of us were around Mom’s bed trying to awaken her for the photos—Haley, Stacey, Randi, Sami, Izzy and me. She just was not waking up. Izzy asked me to pick her up so that she could try to wake G.G. and as I lifted her over the bedrail, she bent and gave G.G. a kiss on her forehead. Even that kiss of love did not waken her. As we were about to give up in defeat and disappointment and leave, Saul joined us, and with his deep, authoritative voice and gentle touch brought her around. For the first few minutes, as Haley donned her wedding gown in another room, Stacey and I had an awful time trying to dress Mom for the photos in a pretty pink blouse and suit jacket. She was so weak that she could not even sit up or move her arms into place. Eventually she rallied and we were able to get her into the wheelchair and set her up in front of the hearth with Haley. She thoroughly enjoyed seeing Haley in her gown and complimented her lavishly. She mustered smiles while Saul and Randi snapped photos and while Izzy was placed upon her lap and Sami posed behind her. The photos are truly exceptional, but cannot be shown until after the wedding. Haley exacted a promise that no photos of her gown would be leaked before the wedding. Mom will be there in Haley’s wedding album to be remembered in her beauty for years to come and perhaps that is the reason she is still here with us at this time and going through this long ordeal.

Water

I suppose I should have had lots of time to write another blog post during the week that Camp Bubbie and Saba was suspended and the girls were enjoying the week with their other grandparents, but that week turned out to be hectic. Knowing that we only had a week to catch up with everything before the girls returned, I had planned to get a million errands done, but each day, we found ourselves buried in computer work for a number of hours and only able to rest and play for short periods of time. Wednesday evening we had dinner out with our friend, Faith, at a tiny Indian restaurant in Blue Bell with only four tables for four and one table for two that we found through Restaurants.com. In our usual karmic fashion, we started a rush and every empty table filled between 8 and 9 p.m. Haley and Erik came earlier that evening to visit Mom on their way to a family garden wedding in Harleysville.

Thursday, Adele, Saul and I met Roxy for a late lunch in New Hope where we spent a pleasant few hours at Havana, on another coupon purchased from Restaurants.com. Each day last week presented the possibility of rain, and some days, we had some thundershowers with torrential downpours as thick as I have ever seen. With so much rain, everything planted outdoors has been thriving with very little effort, while at the same time, there has been enough hours of warm sunshine to prevent waterlogging and rotting of roots.

Friday, Saul and I took the Prius to be serviced, had breakfast out while we waited for the car, and spent the afternoon preparing dinner for 10. Jamie and Andy with Presley, Beth and Paul, Larry, Faith and Stacey joined us. We had homemade challah; black bean soup; guacamole made with herbs from the garden and chips; grilled barbecued hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken, and Moroccan sausage; homemade potato salad; wilted spinach salad with eggs, avocado, mushrooms, cucumber, tomato and onion with hot dressing; and for dessert, strawberry-rhubarb pie and jumbo oatmeal, peanut butter and raisin cookies. We had been expecting to have dinner late to give Jamie and Andy a chance to get here from Delaware, but they arrived on time and dinner took longer than expected to grill, so we did not sit down to eat until almost 7:45 p.m. Presley, beautiful and full of smiles, has become quite mobile by rolling around on the floor and was beginning to get into the crawling position, so Jamie will be very busy in the near future keeping up with her. Mom joined us for dinner for only a few minutes, but seemed to enjoy the company very much.

Saturday, we went to services. Rabbi Addison was away and the excellent sermon was presented by our Baal Koreh, David Reif. This particular part of the Torah is troublesome to interpret and makes many people uncomfortable because it deals with God’s approval and rewarding of Pinchas’ vigilante act of violence, his murder of an Israelite man and Midianite woman who were embracing in the Temple. David related the broken Hebrew letter “vav,” which the scribes used to diminish the name of Pinchas for this act, to the breaking of a rod, as in “spare the rod and spoil the child.” The broken rod represents our desire to pass the knowledge of Torah on to the next generation in love and without violence. Sometimes peace can only be achieved through violent actions, but peace achieved by violence is always broken and imperfect. The cantor, Josh Gordon, had us reading the last verse of the National Anthem, which I don’t believe I have ever read before, but which is in our prayerbooks, and relates to this theme as well.

After services, we met a Jamaican woman named Angela, who had advertised as an aide in The Jewish Exponent, and brought her home to meet Mom. We all liked her immediately and her references were excellent. She doesn’t drive, however, so we would need to arrange for transportation for her were we to hire her to fill in the gaps for Stacey and Debbie. Mom has become even weaker and fell this week trying to get out of bed herself while Debbie was in the bathroom. Luckily, she did not break anything and was only somewhat bruised.

Sunday was a gorgeous day and more gorgeous days were promised for the beginning of the week because the rainy weather pattern had finally moved on. On the spur of the moment, Saul and I decided to plan an overnight trip to Hersheypark because Izzy had asked about the origins of chocolate a few weeks ago. After researching hotels for hours on the Net, we called Jessica, who was due to arrive here in the afternoon with the girls from a family party in Scranton, to make sure the girls were up to such a trip before we booked the hotel. By coincidence, the cousins with whom they had been partying were going to be in Hershey also on Monday and Tuesday before going home. We booked ourselves into the same hotel, which turned out to be much cheaper and better than the Sheraton we had been about to book. It was a MainStay Suites about seven miles from Hersheypark that had rooms with kitchenettes and double queen beds that were quite comfortable. The room was very clean and secure. The hotel had an indoor pool with a two story water slide that the girls adored as well as small indoor miniature golf course and basketball area. Continental breakfast was included in a small dining area near the lobby.

Sunday afternoon and evening, I washed all our clothes and tucked the girls into bed early. Monday morning, we rushed around to clean up the house in case it needed to be shown while we were away and pack for our trip. We left around 10:30 a.m. and drove to the Julius Sturgis Pretzel Factory in Lititz for a short tour. Last summer, when we arrived there, the facility was closed for renovations. The girls learned to roll pretzels made from Play-Doh and we bought them pretzel jibbetz for their Crocs. Then we drove to an Amish family restaurant in Bird-in-Hand for a buffet lunch. The separate kids buffet was built to look like Noah’s Ark. We drove behind some farm families out in horse and buggy and surrey-type horse-drawn carriages.

We arrived at our hotel in Hershey about 5 p.m. and, after depositing our bags and checking out the facilities, went to the Giant Supermarket near the park to purchase greatly discounted tickets. In the end, they cost $28.00 each. The park has a deal where you can use the tickets to visit the park three hours before closing time on the previous evening. They don’t even charge twice for parking, but validate your stub so that you can return the next day free of charge. We took the girls to take the chocolate factory tour, which is an amusement-type ride. They liked it so much, and the lines were so short, that we did it twice.

As we entered Hersheypark at 7:30 p.m., we encountered the cousins who were just leaving. We spent two wonderful hours riding the amusements near the entry to the park and having dinner at a kosher stand there that has chicken fingers and curly fries, a rare treat for girls who can never eat fast food out. We tucked two tired girls into bed by 10 p.m.

They awakened us at 7 a.m. by opening the curtains. We had breakfast in the hotel and went to the swimming pool for two hours where the girls must have climbed up and gone down the slide about four dozen times. The cousins came to say hello at the pool and were on their way early to the new water park feature at the park called “The Boardwalk.” We showered, checked out, and went to the park. This time, we walked all the way to the far end of the park checking out all the different areas. The park has expanded and is huge compared to the park I remember from many years ago. After a few hours of “dry” rides, we bought the girls some pizza for lunch and I helped them change into bathing suits in a changing and locker area for “The Boardwalk.” A few hours of wet fun later, they changed back to street clothes for a few more rides as we walked back to the entry. We had chicken fingers again for dinner and left the park for home about 5 p.m. We took a meandering ride home through a number of tiny Pennsylvania towns arriving back shortly before 8 p.m. On the long rides, the girls were entertained by a new DVD player we had purchased at Costco on Sunday.

This morning, we arrived at Costco as it opened, returning home just in time to prepare lunch for Ken and Randi’s sister-in-law’s sister, Diane. Then, we left for Beachcombers. The weather was beautiful again today and Sami found a number of friends with whom to play in the pool. I went with Izzy to clay and helped her make a whimsical smiling fish. Unfortunately, Izzy was developing a cough and kept complaining she was cold. I made a bed for her on the beach blanket and covered her with a towel, but she did not sleep and was very restless. After dinner, we took her temperature and she was 100.4. Jess advised children’s Motrin, and Saul went out to purchase some. Both girls were asleep by 8:30 p.m., but we have been spoiled by years of not having to worry about a sick child. I was up at 1:30 a.m. to check on Izzy and have been blogging ever since. I feel guilty, now, that we have probably overtaxed the girls in an effort to have fun and take advantage of all the good weather.

Water has been the thread running throughout this week, motivating us to get out and enjoy the sunshine. The fields throughout the farmlands in Lancaster and Hershey are lush from the abundant rain in ways I have never before witnessed and are reminiscent of the words in America The Beautiful, “amber waves of grain.” The corn, planted as far as the eye can see, is as green and dewy as one could ever imagine. The pools and water parks we have enjoyed were inventive and engaging. I think we are so detached from nature sometimes that we forget how much having a natural and abundant supply of water (but not too much) adds to our well-being.

An Ordinary Life

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I missed two wonderful days with Saul and the girls while I attempted to catch up with my work. Two beautiful summer days went by while I stared at my computer screen, cooked, straightened up, and did laundry, and while Saul took the girls to Beachcombers for morning swimming lessons and afternoon art sessions. Tuesday evening, Saul grilled hot dogs and hamburgers and Izzy helped me make a concoction with different types of beans which she chose from my shelf—red kidney, black, and cannellini beans cooked with roasted garlic tomato sauce, some brown sugar and worcestershire sauce. Very early Wednesday morning, the girls and I made taro pancakes together and I taught them how to make the bread pudding that G.G. has been enjoying every morning for almost a year, now. Also on Wednesday morning, we went to Redner’s right after breakfast to pick up odds and ends to refill the refrigerator, especially Pink Lady apples. We then arrived at Costco shortly after it opened at 10:00 a.m. to replenish our supply of giant fresh strawberries and enjoy their free continental breakfast of croissants, apple cake, orange juice and coffee. We arrived back home in time to make lunch for Ken and his partner’s son, Josh. We had potato leek soup, croissants, macaroni and cheese, tuna salad, leftover homemade potato salad, Manchego and membrillo, smoked gouda, gorgonzola crackers with Betts cheese spreads, ice cream and warm bread pudding. Josh said it was the best lunch he has had since coming to work with his father and my brother.

My friend and colleague, Laura, arrived at 2:00 p.m. to go over the work being done for her school district’s calendar, and Saul took the girls again for yet another glorious day of swimming and clay. Sami has been waiting impatiently for the Wednesday clay sessions since last summer. They raised the age requirement to six this year from five last year, but Izzy was able to persuade the teacher to let her work with the clay, as she, too, had been waiting a whole year to be old enough. According to Saul, both girls were reveling in being covered with clay and needed showers before getting back in the pool. Their mother, who has a degree from Columbia University in archaeology, also used to revel in being covered with dirt and clay as she worked during her junior year in Israel to piece together ancient broken pottery from the digs. It must be in the genes!

Thursday, we planned a very full day together and I was finally free. I told the girls that they would have to completely cooperate with no bickering if we were to accomplish all the fun things we had planned, and they did. We completely cleaned their rooms and packed their clothes for the week with their other grandparents that was beginning with their being picked up by their parents the following morning. We had them at Beachcombers for their swimming lessons by 11:15 a.m. At 12:45 p.m., we went back home and I prepared a quick lunch of grilled cheese on whole grain bread while the girls helped each other shower and dress. By 2:15, we were at the AMC theater in King of Prussia for a 3D showing of the new Ice Age movie, Dawn of the Dinosaurs, which was hilarious on many levels from 5 years old to adult. After the movie, we went next door to Nordstrum Rack, where we hunted for a light blue shirt for Sami to wear in a color-coordinated formal family portrait scheduled for the next day in honor of Alex’s parents’ 40th wedding anniversary. We wound up buying a butterfly-patterned tee with a sequined boa that Sami loved, although because it wasn’t solid, I think she wore a different turquoise-y one for the photo. We also bought them shoes there, pink and white sandals for Izzy, and blue and orange sandals that light up for Sami. Shoes have been an obsession for both girls since birth, another trait that must somehow be in the genes, although in the case of their mother, it seems to have skipped a generation. While Saul paid for our purchases, we walked across the parking lot for our pre-arranged, 5 p.m. call-ahead dinner at Bahama Breeze, where we were to meet old friends from 25 years ago, who had worked at Cooke Jr. High with Saul and Larry.

A few days earlier, we had received a call from Tony (a.k.a. Antoine the Magnificent) who, like Saul and Larry, retired from the Philadelphia public school system and was now adjuncting at three different colleges. He teaches history and was having a terrible time learning the software, “Blackboard,” that he needed professionally for his jobs. Saul and Larry agreed to spend Thursday evening back at our house bringing Tony up to date on the software, hence, the meeting at dinner. Also meeting us at the restaurant was another teacher, Jules, and his wife Maria with whom Tony and his wife, Mary, had stayed in touch. All the timing had gone perfectly, except that Tony and Mary were almost an hour late for dinner, usually a nightmare when one has a five-year-old and eight-year-old at a restaurant without an attached playground. The girls were wonderful, however, and eventually, I left early with them to put them to bed while Saul wrapped up and came back home with Larry. Jules and his wife, Maria, had just returned from a 4-month-long cruise around the world and had very interesting stories during dinner. I spent the evening conversing with Mary and Larry as Saul worked with Tony for a few hours.

Friday morning was pandemonium. A couple of weeks ago, we signed papers to put our house up for sale. Since then, beginning with the garage sale, I have been decluttering little by little. A photographer was coming at noon to take photos of the house for the website, including a panoramic virtual tour. I knew that Jess and Alex would be picking the girls up in the morning, so I figured I would have an hour or two to run around and do last minute rearranging and cleaning. Unfortunately, Jess could not get here before 11:30 a.m. Then, my sister decided to bring her granddaughter, Brenna, to play with the girls. Then, Ken and Randi called to say they were on their way over to visit Mom. Then, Erica and Dan showed up with Ava. Jess and Alex showed up with Yona and Alex’s sister, Naomi. Pandemonium is the only way to describe what I was trying to manage on Friday morning. Fortunately, my sister and sister-in-law pitched in and helped get things done. Everyone was still here when the photographer and realtor arrived to take the pictures. Seeing all the cars outside, they must have thought we forgot and were having a party. Saul stood in the foyer and, in his booming voice, announced that it was time for everyone to skedaddle. They did. I don’t remember if he was quite that quaint in his announcement, but no one was offended. We managed to remove everything that needed to be removed, and the session went really well. Both photographer and realtor were pleasant and cooperative and were finished within an hour. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders when they finished. We grabbed Adele who had been sitting with mom in her room during all the commotion and went out for a leisurely lunch. She told mom that morning that we had put the house up for sale and assured her, as we had instructed, that we would be arranging for her to be with us no matter what was in the future, that she would never be in a nursing home. We are asking a high price for our house and are really in no hurry to move right now. Should someone pay the asking price, we have viable alternatives in Baltimore, including for nursing care. I would have waited a while longer, but it was necessary to get the ball rolling towards the move while Saul is off for the summer.

After lunch, we dropped Adele off at her car and continued on to Costco to purchase dinner. I was too pooped to prepare much. Only Larry and Stacey were joining us and we needed to take a nap after the morning’s frenetic activity. For Shabbat dinner we had homemade challah from the freezer, strawberry soup, Boston lettuce with homemade Russian dressing, baked salmon burgers, homemade spanakopitakia from the freezer, ice cream and assorted chocolate and raspberry nut rugelach from Costco. Mom joined us for dinner for a little while, and Larry left early knowing how tired we were.

Saturday, we slept in. I finished two New York Times Sunday Crossword puzzles because I had not had a chance all week to finish the previous Sunday’s. This was fourth of July weekend and Ari was dog-sitting for Jess and Alex’s new puppy, Inky, who has been known to chew up furniture when left to her own devices. As a last minute impulse, we decided to meet Ari on the Eastern Shore of Maryland at a dockside restaurant where you can eat while watching the yachts float past. Larry decided to join us and we passed a pleasant few hours together on a beautiful, leisurely drive down Rt. 301 and a lazy and delicious afternoon. We left for home about 7:15 p.m. after ice cream on the dock because Ari needed to get back to let Inky out of her crate. Along the way, I got my fix of fireworks without the mosquitoes and standstill traffic.

Sunday became an amazing confluence of coincidences. We had discussed with Larry taking a reduced-price boat ride to Bartram’s Garden downtown, but had not made definite plans. Larry had an extra G.P.S. system which he had given to Jess and Alex some time ago. Jess and Alex had purchased a newer one and were no longer using it. Debbie, who had come to work for us caring for Mom, had gotten lost several times in the few weeks she has been here and was looking forward to borrowing it and perhaps purchasing it from Larry. Last week, when we were in Baltimore, we brought the box home with us and gave it to Debbie. Debbie was extremely disappointed when she was about to take a trip and it turned out that everything was in the box but the G.P.S. itself. Three times this week, I called Jessica to remind her to bring it on Friday when she picked up the kids to take them to their other grandparents. Saturday, I realized that she had not given it to us on Friday. We thought we could get it from Ari if she had forgotten it, but it turned out that she had brought it, but forgot to leave it in all the pandemonium on Friday. I told her that if she did not stop back at our house on her way home on Sunday, she would have to overnight it to us, so she decided to stop in on Sunday, but she did not arrive until noon. The boat ride was set to leave at 1 p.m. and we decided we would never make it there in time. When we called Larry to tell him our decision, he said that he had been cleaning his house all morning and had decided not to go anyway. I looked out the window at the absolutely perfect weather on Sunday and told Larry that he had cleaned enough and that it was time to go outside and play. He showered while Saul and I checked the Net to see how we could salvage the rest of our day. I mentioned Longwood Gardens to Larry, but he countered that a few days earlier we had been discussing Morris Arboretum, which none of us had ever visited, even though we have lived within a half-hour’s drive almost all of our lives. It also happens to be right next to Chestnut Hill College where Saul and Larry teach computer science.

So within an hour, we were on our way to visit Morris Arboretum for the first time on a gorgeous day. When we arrived, it looked unusually busy and we were told that many people were there for the opening of their newly-constructed feature, “Out on a Limb.” Immediately, as we entered this treetop construction, we met Larry’s sister’s husband’s children and grandchildren, who were having a family outing with brothers from Vancouver and elsewhere in this country, along with their mother. All I can say about Morris Arboretum is that I can’t believe what I have been missing all these years! What a magnificent afternoon! We became members and are planning to take the girls there next week when they return.

We finished up our afternoon with an early dinner of satisfying Mexican food and drink (Dos Equis and Margaritas) at a neighborhood restaurant in Oreland called Tequila Joe’s. I was sound asleep by 8:00 p.m. on Sunday night. Around 3:00 a.m. I awoke and switched on the television. TiVo had recorded a program called “American Masters,” which I love. Each program is an in-depth look at the life of a famous American. This particular episode featured Garrison Keillor. There were many profound and inspiring insights expressed by this man. One that particularly touched me was that, as a child, he had aspired to live the exciting life of a writer, thinking that the work of his carpenter father and farm-wife mother was menial and boring. Then, he said that as he became successful at his writing, he realized how much b.s. abounds in his chosen profession and how satisfying it must have been for his parents to have been creating things that were actually necessary and useful. He had aspired to live an exceptional life, but in the quest, he realized that the life stories of ordinary people are exceptional, that trying to live an exceptional life is uniquely unsatisfying and shallow, and that for him, an ordinary life is good enough.

Off and Running on the First Great Week

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Wednesday dawned foggy, gray, and with thick fluffy dark clouds. We felt that we could not stand another day at the swim club with blue patches of sky teasing us for five minutes at a time while we were being eaten up by flies and mosquitoes. Saul went for his last session of physical therapy and when he returned, he, Adele and the girls set the table for lunch. Ken came by himself for lunch and we all had salami omelets while he visited with Mom. We decided to take the girls for a matinee to see the movie, Up, in 3D. We dragged them there, kicking and screaming almost, that they did not want to see the movie because a friend had told them about some bad things in the movie. I insisted that we go because I had been looking forward to seeing it and had waited for them to come so that we could all see it together. They actually really liked the movie and had a great time after all. Izzy polished off a whole large popcorn almost single handed. I really liked the movie, too, and was happy I forced the issue. On the way home, we stopped at Costco to pick up Ensure for Mom, and milk, orange juice, fresh fruit and bagels. While there, we bought the girls slices of pizza and a churro to share for dinner. Then, we went on to Trader Joe’s so that they could pick out boxes of their favorite breakfast cereals for the summer. We all went to bed early in preparation for our busy Thursday before leaving for a weekend in Baltimore/DC.

Being members of the Philadelphia Zoo, we received a card in the mail earlier this month about a pajama party for children after regular hours at the zoo. Our membership allows us to bring three children, so we invited Brenna to come with us. Brenna would not be home from camp before 4:00 p.m. so it was difficult for her to be ready to come to our house before 5:00 p.m., which was the latest we could leave to be at the zoo by 6:00 p.m. in rush hour traffic. Sami had asked me if we could go early to spend some time in the members-only Tree House before the party. Because of all these logistics, we decided to leave for the zoo early in the morning with Sami and Izzy, come home for lunch and a nap, and then return to the zoo in the evening with Brenna. The zoo is available to members as early as 8:30 a.m., but we were not able to get there before 10:00 a.m. It turned out to be a great plan because the weather was temperate and the zoo was not terribly crowded at that hour on a Wednesday. We headed immediately for the Tree House which now has a unique jungle-themed, handicap-accessible carousel installed next to it. After playing in the Tree House and riding the carousel, we stopped to eat some snacks we had brought along in a nearby picnic table area and had some close encounters with geese. We spent time in the Children’s Zoo where Izzy persuaded the attendant to let her hold a very large cockroach while Sami ran away to feed the ducks nearby.

We left the zoo around 12:15 p.m. stopping to have lunch at King Buffet in Plymouth Meeting Mall, which, to the girls delight, had expanded their sushi offerings. We were all in bed for naps by 2:30 p.m. At 4:30 p.m. I awoke everyone, cooked some macaroni and cheese for a quick light dinner and we were on our way back to the zoo by 5:15 p.m. with Brenna in tow. We practically had the place to ourselves. There were special feeding demonstrations of a jaguar, cheetahs, and polar bears. The girls also had an unbelievably close encounter with a peacock opened in its full glory. A part of the video is a bit shaky as Saul and I were trying very hard to control our laughter when the peacock began to shake its feathers and all three girls jumped back in fear at the same time.

Sami and Brenna were itchy to explore on their own in the uncrowded surroundings. Spotting giraffes off in the distance, I told them they could go there by themselves and meet us there. Shortly after we met up with them in front of the giraffes, the two of them bolted off at full speed without approval. Saul and I both yelled to them to stop, but they were too far off to hear us. In desperation, Saul let out his loud whistle, which in earlier years could split your ear drums. He had complained after his stroke that he had lost the ability, but evidently, under duress, it had returned quite naturally. Not only did the two girls stop dead in their tracks, but to everyone’s surprise who had been standing nearby, the two giraffes who had been standing around docilely as giraffes are wont to do, took off at a full gallop towards Saul. He was as surprised as anyone at the effect he had on the giraffes. Everyone begged him to do it again, but I think he was a little cowed (or giraffed?) at the power he had demonstrated. So among his many other talents, we can now credit him with being a giraffe whistler (as opposed to whisperer). The evening ended with an outdoor live concert of a jazz band as the sun set behind them. Only a dozen parents and children were in attendance. On the way home, we stopped to get water ice at Rita’s. We were all in bed by 10:00 p.m.

Stacey had agreed to stay with Mom for the weekend so that we could attend the Caribbean Festival in DC that passes just down the street from Ari’s condo. Randi visited Mom on Friday morning with her two sisters, Sherrie and Lorie. After they left, we packed our bags and left for Baltimore at about 12:15 p.m., stopping again at Bahama Breeze for lunch on the way. They obliged us by accepting a $10 coupon that had expired the previous day. We all had a great time together at lunch. Jess and Alex were hosting a newlywed couple from New York for the weekend, children of friends from the Philadelphia area. They had gone to Baltimore to attend and co-officiate at the wedding of a friend. Ari drove in for Shabbat dinner as well as Alex’s sister and brother, his brother’s wife, and their three children. Again, we were 14 for dinner this week. Alex made a smoked turkey soup, chopped salad, red cabbage salad, steamed rice and two different types of marinated, grilled boneless chicken breasts. Dessert was fresh fruit salad with cinnamon and chocolate babka.

The weather could not have been more perfect for the Caribbean Parade. We found a wonderful, shady spot under a tall leafy tree by the judges stand just down the block from Ari’s condo. I stood almost directly behind the official photographer for the event. The colors and music were a delight to both eyes and ears. The atmosphere was jovial and infectiously lighthearted. After a few hours rest while waiting for the traffic to dissipate, we headed for Rockville, Maryland, where we tried a recommended Taiwanese restaurant from the new “Cheap Eats” edition of the magazine Washingtonian, Bob’s Noodle House 66. The place was in a dilapidated strip mall and was extremely shabby, but the food was well prepared, generous and authentic. We all tried a new food that we had never experienced before, Aiyu jelly, made from the seeds of a particular Taiwanese fig. Ari thought it tasted bitter, but Saul and I both liked it. Cut into tiny yellowish cubes, it was served for dessert as an accompaniment to shaved ice with condensed milk and cane sugar syrup. Also on the side, we ordered sweetened red beans and peanuts.

We drove into downtown Rockville after dinner and decided to see the new Transformers movie. Ari was upset that the movie turned out to be over 2 hours long, at least an hour longer than any of us really wanted. Now, I have seen the opposite of a chick flick.

This morning, I arose at 7 a.m., showered and dressed, and we all headed back to Baltimore. Jess and I left for Haley’s bridal shower at Ooka in Doylestown, Pennsylvania, around 9:30 a.m. while Saul headed home with the girls about 11:00 a.m. During the ride to the shower, Jessica and I had a chance to talk for over two hours with no one else around, a truly rare and enjoyable occurrence. The shower was lovely and unique, with hibachi chefs providing diversion and good food, and friends and family creating the congenial din that surrounded us. Dinner tonight was pizza delivery. We didn’t have the energy left for anything more than tucking the girls lovingly into bed with a “Shmuel” story.

Camp Bubbie and Saba 2009 Begins

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Considering where I am this moment, I can’t believe what Saul and I accomplished this week. I was getting really nervous and upset because I was feeling so terrible between the infection in my mouth and the antibiotic I was taking to get rid of it. On Tuesday, Saul drove me the hour-long ride to the dentist after I had been on Clindamycin for 24 hours so that he could work on me. I was not up to making the drive myself. Luckily, the pain turned out to be from an infection under the root of my back-most lower molar and did not involve the tooth itself. After a very painful, but thankfully, 10 minute procedure, we were back on the road home with minimal residual suffering. The dentist reminded me that I was to finish the antibiotic no matter how good I might feel. By Wednesday afternoon, however, as I was trying to put the final touches on a publication, I felt as though I had been kicked in the stomach from the antibiotic. Thursday morning, the dentist gave me permission to discontinue it. The infection seems to be gone. He said we would try a different one if the infection returned. So far, so good.

All this made me worry that I would not be up to preparing dinner for 14 on Friday or fetching my granddaughters from Baltimore for the start of Camp Bubbie and Saba on Father’s Day, not to mention the energy required to entertain two little girls.

Our new aide in caring for Mom, Debbie, started work on Wednesday to cover for Stacey, who was away for several days. Luckily, Mom liked her very much and she was incredibly good and experienced at handling aged and bedridden patients from her nursing home experience. On her first day here, Ken came over for lunch with her son, Steve, who works for Ken, and we all got to know each other over good food at the kitchen table. Adele joined us also and Saul and I got back from a Costco grocery run just in time to put lunch on the table and get Ken and Steve back to work on time. Saul left even before Ken and Steve to keep an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon, who gave him a cortisone injection in the shoulder to finally eliminate the sleep-disturbing pain that Saul has been experiencing for at least six weeks. While the painful right shoulder was responsive to the physical therapy, the left shoulder pain had remained despite all the physical therapist’s efforts. It was finally determined from x-rays and an MRI, that the problem is from a rotator-cuff injury. After a few days, Saul’s pain has finally dissipated.

By Friday morning, I was feeling much better and full of energy. I had finished my publication, begun work on a calendar, and was happy to be puttering around the kitchen with Saul, and towards afternoon, Adele, who had come to help us prepare Shabbat dinner. Saul set up the dining room table beautifully with crisply-folded embroidered napkins for a somewhat crowded 14. Our guests, in addition to the three of us, were Adele, Larry, Irv, Fran, my cousin Ellen, who had come to visit Mom after many years, her daughter, Amanda, Ellen’s significant other, Paul, Larry Shipper, Debbie, Ken and Randi. Beth joined us a bit later in the evening. The menu included warm homemade challah; chilled strawberry soup; cod lamaize; caesar salad; vegetable lasagna; cedar-planked, charcoal grilled, filet of salmon with mustard marinade; homemade potato salad; gezer chai; lemon-verbena iced tea; leftover coconut cake from Yona’s naming, leftover gingerbread doves from Yona’s naming, Presley Bella cake with icing decorated for three birthdays—Randi’s, Irv’s and Fran’s; and sliced fresh peaches, cherries, strawberries, blueberries and bananas with vanilla custard sauce.

Debbie came early on Saturday so that we could attend services on my father’s yahrzeit. Because it had been pouring for days, and Saturday was no exception, services were very sparsely attended. We napped for a few hours in the afternoon. Finally, on Saturday night, Saul’s pain disappeared and he was able to get a good night’s sleep.

Sunday morning, we joined Larry and Adele, Irv and Fran, Erica, Danny, Brenna, Ava, Beth and her friend, Paul, for a delicious buffet brunch at The William Penn Inn. By coincidence, our waiter was the son of Ian, one of three English-born brothers with whom we had worked for many years at both The William Penn Inn and Bentley’s nearby. Ian and his wife were working the brunch also in another area of the restaurant, and Ian stopped over to see us and catch us up with his brothers’ lives.

As soon as we returned, we hit the road for Baltimore. We decided to drive all the way down to pick up the girls for the summer because Jessica had persuaded Ari to join us as well so that we could all have dinner together for Father’s Day. In addition, we were bringing a set of vintage dishes called “Dixie Dogwood” that Saul sold on eBay after our garage sale, to a woman who just happened to live just a few minutes away. We dined at our kids’ favorite Japanese restaurant, Sushi Ya, where they had named a special roll for Izzy when she graduated from preschool. We arrived back home by 10 p.m. to tuck the girls and ourselves into bed.

Monday morning was spent unpacking the girls’ summer clothes and loading everything into their drawers. Their drawers had filled with a number of toys during the winter, so after we emptied the drawers of toys, and loaded them with clothing, we reorganized all the toys in the toy box and closet. From 6 to 7 a.m. in the morning, because I was up early and so were the girls, I answered Sami’s questions about the action figure, Teela, from the old Masters of the Universe series of cartoons. We had found Teela and Prince Adam still in their original packages while preparing for the garage sale. Checking on eBay, I discovered that they were only worth about $9, so I gave them to the girls to open and add to the other characters and related toys we had found. Since I remembered very little about the 1980s series, I Googled Teela and discovered that many Masters of the Universe episodes were available for viewing free on the Internet. They were both rapt sitting together in my office chair watching one of the half-hour episodes that involved Teela. We went to Beachcomber Swim Club after lunch because the sun kept peeking out of the dark clouds and teasing us every couple of minutes. The girls went to a painting class after an hour of swimming. After showers and dinner, we curled up in our pajamas in my bed together to watch the Tinker Bell movie that I had recorded on TiVo.

This morning after breakfast, we cleaned out some areas of the basement because the remaining garage sale stuff was being picked up by an organization called “Impact!” which supports the local senior center. We found some real “treasures” from their mother’s and uncle’s days, such as a pogo stick, a book that we had been missing for years, Bonhomme and the Huge Beast, a favorite Minnie Mouse doll, some dollhouse furniture I had made 35 years ago, a few Shel Silverstein books and many other cool books and games. Saul and I spent an hour in the garage after our leftovers had been donated and were finally able to make space for our SUV again. We made it to the swim club by 3:30 p.m., but only stayed for a little over an hour because the sun was even scarcer than yesterday, and we were being eaten by pesky flies and mosquitoes. After dinner this evening, the girls watched another movie in my bed that I had recorded for them on TiVo, The Pagemaster. While I was blogging, I was hearing so many delighted giggles that I interrupted my writing to watch the end of the movie with them. I hope that, as they sing in Annie, “the sun will come out tomorrow,” but we have been having a great time anyway.

A Week with Izzy and Naming Yona

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This past week with Izzy has been positively delightful. During our time together, she helped me each day to prepare some dessert item for Yona’s naming ceremony on Saturday. At one point, Jessica told me she had a dream, or nightmare, that I made gingerbread teddy bears in diapers and used real safety pins in the cookies. I already had been thinking about making gingerbread cookies, but couldn’t figure out what to do that would be appropriate for a baby naming. Her dream spurred me to get out my extensive collection of cookie cutters and among them I found a dove. Yona means dove in Hebrew. Izzy was amazingly adept at every aspect of cookie-making. When I left her so that I could sit at the kitchen table with Mom’s social worker, Marion, and discuss Mom’s condition for a while, Izzy continued to roll out the dough to the proper thickness, cut the cookies close together as I had showed her, move the cutout cookies to the baking pan, and re-roll the scraps—very impressive for a five-year-old. I taught her how to make and thin royal icing to just the right consistencies so that I could outline the doves and she could fill them in with the icing. Friday morning we packed up the cookies, extra icing, food coloring markers, and sugar sprinkles and decors, and drove to Baltimore where Izzy and her sister, Sami, decorated dozens of them, each one with its own unique design. I find it remarkable that never for a minute did either one of them show any signs of running out of ideas for the next cookie or repeat themselves on any one of them.

Izzy awoke early every morning, but played with the toys in her room until a reasonable hour before waking us. We watched a series of On Demand Tom and Jerry cartoons over and over while having breakfast together, usually with Mom joining us. Each day, we arranged to do a little something different and fun. One day, we went to Chuck E. Cheeses for an hour. Another, I set up an Elmo sprinkler on the deck so that she could run in an out of the spraying water. We went to Bahama Breeze where she was crazy about the gigantic stack of coconut-crusted onion rings and the black bean soup. We met Ken and Randi for dinner at the Easton Buffet which had as much sushi as Izzy could eat and where they gave her a little pile of caviar all by itself. We enjoyed teaching her, feeding her, cuddling her, amusing her, and telling her stories as we tucked her into bed. It was truly a wonderful week that culminated in Yona’s naming ceremony. I wish there were more photographs of the occasion, but most of the action took place in synagogue and at Jess and Alex’s home on Shabbat, so no photography was allowed.

Stacey stayed with Mom this past weekend so that we could be in Baltimore. For Shabbat dinner at Jess and Alex’s, we were joined by Alex’s parents, Maury and Elaine; his sister Naomi; his brother Aaron and his wife Stacey and their three children, Jacob, Lilly, and Zach; and Ari. Alex made guacamole, lentil soup, sushi, and fruit salad. After dinner, we went home with Ari.

Saturday morning, we arrived at Chizuk Amuno to find our family looking healthy and beautiful, and ready for Alex’s lively children’s service to begin. Yona was asleep in the stroller. Adele and Larry arrived shortly before we were fetched to go into main sanctuary for the actual naming ceremony, around 10:15 a.m. Ken and Randi arrived with Jamie and Presley just as the ceremony began. We were surprised to find the synagogue so packed with people on a June Shabbat. There were hundreds present. The rabbi had wonderful things to say about our children and it was beautiful to behold them standing together at the bimah.

Maury and Elaine and Saul and I remained to greet people at the kiddush luncheon we had sponsored for the synagogue and gather our friends, David and Karen, who live in Baltimore, and Elaine, who drove down for the occasion, to go back to Jess and Alex’s house for the party. Alex, as usual, outdid himself with the delicious luncheon he had prepared, which included whole fillets of the best salmon anyone had ever tasted, a beautiful tossed salad, hummous, baba ganoush, assorted cheeses, deviled eggs, roasted veggies, pasta salad, and other delicacies in great number. For dessert, I made the gingerbread cookies; ultimate carrot cake; Presley Bella marble angel food cake; mini strawberry cheesecakes; mini filled chocolate cupcakes; Yona Rae cake (a three-layer coconut cake); mini cashew pies; chocolate mousse crepes with vanilla custard sauce; and jumbo oatmeal, peanut butter and raisin cookies.

The weather on Saturday was beautiful and not too hot. Everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves and about 60 people attended. After the party, we headed back to Ari’s place and were too tired and not hungry enough to go out on Saturday night. We wound up watching a hilarious movie together called “Noises Off” from the early 80’s with Michael Caine, Carol Burnett, Christopher Reeve, John Ritter, and other famous actors. I don’t know how I missed seeing it back then, but it certainly had me wondering what other treasures I have missed.

Sunday morning, we helped Ari clean up his condo, packed, and headed out for our usual favorite spot for dim sum, Hollywood East Café, which had just been listed in Washingtonian Magazine as one of the best “cheap eats” in the DC area. We were shocked to find a closed sign in the window and their name signs taken off of the building. The closed sign said that they would be reopening in August in a nearby mall. We ate a satisfying meal at the dim sum restaurant across the street, Good Fortune, which, by the time we left, had filled up with a long line of people waiting for tables who had been as surprised as we were by the closing. We spent the afternoon with Jessica and the kids while Alex watched sports on television after mowing the lawn and assembling a new gazebo (or as Izzy called it, “gazumba”) on the patio. We headed for home around 5 p.m. and arrived about 7:30 p.m., happy, but exhausted.

Mom had a good weekend with Stacey. Her volunteer, Marianne, had stopped in to see her and so had Ken and Randi on Sunday. Adele and Larry had a problem getting home on Saturday, as evidently, the Philadelphia area had had a torrential downpour that left many streets closed, including theirs. After hanging out at a nearby restaurant for a while, they were finally able to reach their home in time for bed as the waters receded.

Stacey requested the day off on Monday to visit with an aunt she had not seen in several years. On Sunday, a gum irritation I was beginning to feel turned into a full-fledged abscess. The dentist cannot work on me until I have been on a strong antibiotic, Clindamycin, for 24 hours. This afternoon, I have a dentist appointment to work on the problem, but I have not been feeling like myself since Sunday. I tried to get work done, but kept getting distracted and losing focus. At 6 p.m. last evening, Saul, Mom and I met with Debbie, the mother of one of Ken’s employees, who will begin working for us on Wednesday.

Many of the remnants of last week’s garage sale are still hanging around the garage and I have to arrange to get them out of here this week. My friend Laura suggested I title one of my blogs “36 Suitcases.” That is how many were listed for tax purposes when we dropped a carload of things at the Salvation Army location nearby. Toward evening yesterday, there was a violent thunderstorm that dropped a load of marble-sized hail on us. I wish the SUV had been in the garage rather than all that junk. Thirty-six suitcases is a great title, but the past week was much larger than that.